The Angry Black Man
If you’re a man of color ( otherwise known as a notorious MOC ), then you’ve undoubtedly donned this title from time to time. And it’s always at those moments that are lacking a valid reason behind it. Usually stemming from a sense of uneasiness on the part of “someone” else. You know, in that one second of the day you’ve decided that you just don’t feel like sharing your happy moment on the outside?…but shouldn’t that be okay? Sharing this ball of confusion we live on and having these personal moments almost seem criminal. At least, that’s what the world would have you think. And I expect that behavior. As I began to understand mystory (another phrase you will here on this blog), it almost works hand in hand with cognitive actions to reaction. So it never really fazed me until a POC said something to me.
I was bartending one night and a group of my happy hour regulars came in, introducing me to a friend they were entertaining in town for the weekend. The crowd was picking up, so my focus become less chat, more, “What can I get ya?…”Now a lot of my customers know that if you’re in search of that pre-programmed, teeth shinin’ hospitality act, it ain’t gonna happen. But you’ll never suffer from the “dry throat”. Plus I sling a cocktail to live for.
As the ending of our 2-for-1 set in, the crowding around the bar began to lighten, and I was able to return to my earlier engagement with the regulars.
“You don’t smile much.”, the lovely little newbie to the bar decided to blurt out in front of the crew.
“Beg your pardon?”
“Smile. You need to smile more.”
“Is there something wrong with the drink?”, I asked.
“They’re okay. But you work in the service industry. You’re supposed to smile more.”
The crew around her went completely silent. And my stoic ass wound up bursting into laughter at this person, who has known me all of an hour, deciding she could put me in my place.
I went in.
“You do know where that comes from, right?”
We wound up going through the usual banter that follows this statement. Uncle Tom, Jim Crow, up to not too long ago a MOC was pulled over for looking at cop while driving by. Yep. Eyeballing while black.
Of course I’m angry. James Baldwin said it best. If you are truly conscience, you get that. But I don’t walk around with my fists balled up waiting for someone to set it off. I keep it to myself and plan my next 3 moves ahead. I am a person of passion and persistence. But to turn that into anger is some cognitive BS. And to read pieces online by fellow POC calling out their/own in this format is not helping. It’s feeding the narrative.
You’ll know when I’m angry. Now let’s do a shot.